TIA’S ROOMMATE IS THE FEMME-LED QUEER SPACE WE NEED
CAFETERIA SITS DOWN WITH FOUNDER EVY RUIZ TO DISCUSS CREATING THE INCLUSIVE FUTURE WE WANT TO SEE.
In the United States, there are fewer lesbian bars than there are states.
Currently, there are only 35 bars dedicated to queer femmes (and those assigned female at birth) scattered across the country. White gay men seem to be at the center of the LGBTQ experience as both physical spaces and the media tend to revolve around their perspective rather than the LGBTQ community as a whole.
Thankfully, Tia’s Roommate allows queer femmes, especially femmes of color, to take up the space they deserve. Since its inception, the cheekily-named BIPOC-owned organization has hosted jardín parties and daytime kickbacks, creating the community queer femmes desperately need. With increasing hostility towards the queer community, it is more important now than ever to recognize the contributions queer women and femme-aligned folks have made and continue to offer to the LGBTQ family as a whole. Marsha P. Johnson, a Black bisexual trans woman is one of the very reasons we have pride as she was instrumental in the Stonewall Riots, while lesbians were the only ones willing to tend to gay men during the HIV/AIDS crisis. Queer femmes deserve to take up space and Tia’s Roommate is making sure we do just that.
Continue scrolling to learn more about Tia’s Roommate from founder Evy Ruiz.
What inspired you to start Tia’s Roommate?
ER: Tia’s Roommate has always been a dream of mine to one day own a brick-and-mortar lesbian bar and café. While working in corporate, I lost sight of that dream. In 2023, when I was let go, I finally gave myself permission to start building the space I always wished existed. I launched my own mobile café with the goal of building community, culture and connection, especially here in Hartford.
There’s always been a lack of femme-centered spaces here. Back when I came out in 2007, there were no spaces for queer women to gather, only at Polo and Divi Divi where it was mixed women and men. Not much has changed. Meanwhile, there are multiple spaces that cater to queer men. It became clear to me if I wanted something different, I had to create it myself.
Can you explain the meaning behind your brand name “Tia’s Roommate”?
ER: I wanted the name to be playful but intentional. I’ve always brought a “queer auntie” vibe to every space I step into — warm, welcoming, nurturing and always down for a good time. So “Tia’s Roommate” is a reflection of that energy. It’s also deeply personal. My uncle Frank took his life and never got the chance to live fully in his truth. Back then, a lot of queer people had to keep their love hidden, calling their partners their “roommates.” We all knew what that meant. This is in honor of him and for everyone who didn’t get to live their life out loud.
Do you think Hartford needs more queer-led femme spaces? Why are femme-led spaces particularly important in the queer community?
ER: Absolutely. Hartford needs more queer-led femme spaces without competition, rooted in community and collaboration. Too often, we let division, racism or discrimination get in the way of building together, but we’re stronger when we come together and create something for all of us.
Femme-led spaces matter because we understand each other in ways that aren’t always centered in the broader queer community. We’re often expected to adapt to environments that prioritize gay male culture, but we deserve our own spaces where we feel safe, affirmed and uplifted. Sometimes, we just don’t want to vibe with the gay boys, we want our own.
What is your mission/ethos and what are some of your guiding principles and values?
ER: Our mission is to lead with love and build a space for BIPOC queer women, trans women and trans men to create a chosen family where we can rest, grow and thrive together. We value joy, care and intentionality. We believe in providing access to community, connection and healing through fun and meaningful experiences at daytime café parties, wellness activities like yoga and Pilates, run/walk clubs, movies, music, creative hobbies and sports like basketball, softball or kickball.
We don’t even have a place to watch the WNBA and that’s wild considering we’re in the home state of one of the top women’s basketball teams in the country. I want us to have a place where we can gather for that too. We deserve it all.
How do you want first timers to feel when they leave an event hosted by Tia’s Roommate?
ER: I want them to leave with new friends. I want them to feel safe, loved and truly seen. Whether it’s their first queer event or their hundredth, I want them to know they belong the moment they walk in. My hope is that one day they’ll tell us —“Tia’s Roommate changed my life.” Because we show up with open arms and an open heart. That’s what makes our space different.
Can you share upcoming events or initiatives?
ER: Yes! We’ve got some exciting things coming up:
A Social Happy Hour where small business owners, artists and creatives can mix, mingle and build real connections in the queer community.
A Karaoke Night — a space to sing your heart out and let loose with your people.
A Perreo Party — on Friday, August 29th from 10PM–2AM, we’re throwing a reggaetón-fueled Latin night with two DJs at Sol y Luna in Downtown Hartford. It’s going to be a whole vibe.